Milinda’s Questions

While writing this cheery post, my heart began to sing; and I felt like increasing the lightheartedness by letting the world know the song that I was singing. To my dismay, I discovered that the lyrics to Loudon Wainwright III’s immortal “Suicide Song” aren’t available anywhere on the Internet. (For you youngsters, Loudon is Rufus’s dad.) To remedy this situation, I dragged my LPs out of storage, and even got my old turntable to work; so appreciate this labor of love.

The song appears on Album II, and is part of a medley of three songs: “I Know I’m Unhappy,” “Suicide Song,” and “Glenville Reel”. There’s a kind of artistic unity to the triad, so here’s the whole thing:

I know I’m unhappy
I know things aren’t right
For instance last week
I got drunk every night.

I know that I’m angry
I know I’m afraid
I rarely make love
I mostly get laid.

I know I’m unhealthy
No doctor could doubt;
My dreams are all bad
And my hair’s falling out.

When you get the blues
And you wanna shoot yourself in the head
It’s alright
It’s alright
Go ahead.

Do the Monkey, do the Pony,
Do the Slop, do the Boogaloo Twist;
Cut your throat
Cut your throat
Cut your wrist.

When you’re tired of worldly toil
Shuffle off this mortal coil
Turn your body back to soil
It’s OK
It’s OK

When you get hung up
Hang yourself up by the neck
What the hell
What the hell
What the heck.

Stomp on the moon and spit in the ocean,
Razzamatazz and I love you,
Holy smokes and Land o’Goshen
You can do anything that you want to do.

You can sing 4 songs, you can dance 10 dances,
Eat 12 candies, drink 8 beers,
Break 2 rules and take 6 chances,
Laugh 9 laughs and shed 3 tears.

Eat that watermelon, drink that moonshine,
She’s the lady and you’re the lord,
A mail pouch chew will keep you in line
Drive all over in her grandaddy’s Ford.

Small talk, big talk, hugs and kisses,
Strum a little number on the red guitar,
If you wanna charm the bonnet off your missus
Go out and catch a firefly, stick him in a jar.

Oh, take off her clothes and throw her in the river
Wash her body and stick in the sun
Give that gal everything that you can give her
You can give her the bullets if you can give her the gun.